“Dr. Phuphuey will see you now,” said Nurse Whatsthebigfuss, clutching a clipboard across her chest. As it was Clothes-Free Friday, she was naked except for a tasteful leopard-print mask. “Please follow me.”
With a roll of his eyes, Mr. Notfeelingsogreat got up from the waiting room chair and followed her to an examination room that adjoined Dr. Phuphuey’s private office. “He’ll be with you in a few minutes. Please remove all of your clothes, including your underwear, and place them in this bag.”
“But I’m here for psychiatric reasons!” exclaimed Mr. Notfeelingsogreat.
With a stern look, Nurse Whatsthebigfuss wagged a finger toward a neon sign in the corner of the room that was flashing GeT NaKeD. “Sorry, she said, “but rules are rules.”
When the door closed, Mr. Notfeelingsogreat reluctantly stripped off his clothes and stuffed them into the bag. He sat down, clutching the clothing bag over his lap, and thought “Rules, damn rules” as he nervously surveyed the room.
A few minutes later, Dr. Phuphuey made his grand naked entrance. A stethoscope was dangling from his neck. He sat behind his desk and briefly scanned Mr. Notfeelingsogreat’s chart. “So,” he said, “what can we do for you today?”
“I haven’t been feeling so great,” began Mr. Notfeelingsogreat.
“Tell me more,” said Dr. Phuphuey. He leaned back in his chair, flopped his legs onto the desk, and fanned his arms behind his head.
“Well,” said Mr. Notfeelingsogreat, “my infancy would probably be a good place for me to begin. I was told that my mother refused to breastfeed me. How can I know for sure? I mean, I don’t have any proof, but on a certain level I, myself, have felt this rejection–I know I have. In grade school, I was once ridiculed by my school chums, about a little spelling mistake, of all things! It seems that I thought egocentric ended with ck–you can understand my blunder, I’m sure. As a young boy, my life went downhill after that. I soon made a fool of myself by making a math error. I made ones in geography, history, and science soon after. Yes, I admit it–I’m not perfect! I suppose I should get to the point, about my problem with me now. For quite some time, I’ve realized that I’ve been feeling sluggish and lethargic. I’ve lost all the zip in my doo dah. I’ve haven’t been sleeping well, either, even when I put myself to bed early. Also, I’ve been feeling confused; I’ve been feeling useless; I’ve been feeling depressed. I’ve been feeling lonely; I’ve been feeling stressed; I’ve been frustrated. I’ve also been overeating; but when I do, I blame myself. Then I get on my exercise bike, but when I begin to pedal, I begin to wonder if I’m pedaling correctly–I mean I’m not a pedal pro. I wonder whether I’m pedaling too fast or whether I’m pedaling to slow. Often, I stop pedaling after only a few minutes; but sometimes I jump right back on my bike, and I pedal some more. I feel a great deal of uncertainty in my life. Should I do this? Should I do that? Maybe I should do this, that, and the other thing! I make a plan for my day, but then I ask myself if that’s what I really want to do. So–wisely, I think you would agree with me—I stop, I pause, and I reflect about my own inability to decide what I want to do. Sometimes the situation becomes so difficult, that I make myself a cup of tea and I think, and I think, and I think some more; but then I, myself, wonder if I’m over thinking. Can you help me?
A long snore, a brief snort, and the faint call of “Mommy,” caught Mr. Notfeelingsogreat’s attention. Dr. Phuphuey had fallen asleep behind his desk and was clutching his teddy bear. His head was lolled against the office wall, as though in a hangman’s noose. Before he fell asleep, Dr. Phuphuey had scribbled a prescription that was lying on his desk; it contained various suggestions that could help alleviate Mr. Notfeelingsogreat’s chronic I-itis, which in layman’s terms means inflammation of the I. You, dear reader, can help by selecting one, several, or all of his helpful pointers. Here they are:
- Reduce the use of personal pronouns such as I, me, and my.
- Life is not just about you–it’s about all of us!
- Begin every day with sincere gratitude for being alive. Continue all day long.
- Think give, not get. Improve the quality of someone else’s day. Repeat until it becomes a habit.
- When your ego van is rocking, your false self is knocking. Don’t go near!
- Step out of your mind every day. “Be” in nature–allow a squirrel or a flower to remind you how to live.
- Stop listening to the fictional story of your fictional “you.”
- Unplug from the matrix by shutting off your T.V. It’s called programming for a reason.
- Discover your real Self. You’re not who you think you are.
Suddenly, there was a quiet knock on the door. Nurse Whatsthebigfuss peeked into the room and quietly informed Mr. Notfeelingsogreat that his appointment was over and that another patient was waiting. Clutching his bag of clothes and prescription, he timidly made his way past the waiting room and out to his car. He’s still waiting to hear what you would prescribe.
Dare to dream (and care for one another).
With heartfelt regards,
Copyright © – 2021 – R. Arthur Russell
P.S. Please share this article if you enjoyed it. If you’d like to view my latest book (This Taste of Flesh and Bones–released September 8, 2020), press here. May it help you in your spiritual journey. 🙏🙏
4 thoughts on “Dr. Phuphuey’s Happiness Prescription”
Pry your head out of your own arse. Life is not just about you–it’s about all of us! 😂. I really like your point about thinking give instead of get. Great advice Art. 🙏
Thanks, AP2! Dr. Phuphuey failed “diplomacy 101.” I can’t do a thing with him!
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Well done Art!! You have bravely gone where many may not…and with humour! Laughter IS the best medecine…we can all learn from not taking “ourselves” too seriously!